I wrote all these. I'll even take credit if anyone finds them to be shit. : )
It is said that Pope Gregory ("the great") gambled too much. He left far too much to chants.
And when that happened, sometimes the cardinals would have to take him outside and give him a beatitude adjustment.
A shepherd, when asked what he did when his flock came upon a vinyard, replied "I herd it through the grapevine"
There was a driver who spent his whole life taking rich people from place to place. He complained of having nothing to chauffeur it.
Two lawyers were studying a crucifix and arguing over its origins. The judge finally got fed up and said "that's enough of this cross examination!"